Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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