I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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