Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
