I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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