we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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