I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
