I'm lost and stupid without you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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