This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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