If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I deserve this hangover.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
