Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
