Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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