some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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