you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
