The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
