The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
