I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
