Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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