I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think my mom watched the whole time
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
