ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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