Do you still have your period?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
