your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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