Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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