I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
