no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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