it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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