He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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