It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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