he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
