u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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