There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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