My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
