Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
