so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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