So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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