lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
