pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
