'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
