I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
