I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
