your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize