i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
