cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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