I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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