The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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