I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
