The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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