look no pants
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
