you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
