The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
