dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
