you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm bleeding and have questions
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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