addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
