he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
