so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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