i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
