sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
