Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
