I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
