have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
