then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
