I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We had to coat check the pizza.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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