He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
