you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
