YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
