i don't like sucking hair
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
