he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize