someone threw a dead crab at me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
