we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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